Here's a humorous little anecdote received from my mate Clyde over in Perth, in response to my invitation to join us on the Pungwe Gorge. I've edited it slightly in an effort to make it more readable, hopefully without losing too much of Clyde's humorous turn of phrase.
Allo Mate
Sounds like a party but I am one of those weak as p!ss Ozzies who can't make it. We're struggling here, unlike you Zimbo farmers who've had an abundance of rain, which has led to bumper crops which = “The Big Bucks”. Finding a crust to eat is getting harder by the day.
Last week I was out at the back of Little Island [location Lat: -31.811091°, Lon: 115.704566°] in my Epic [fibre-glass surf-ski], when I caught a medium size wave and snapped the f@kker in half. The nose just exploded into many small pieces (2 many 2 collect). This led to me being rescued off the island after already doing warm ups in preparation for the big swim!
[So did the water coppers rescue you, and if so did you get slapped with a severe fine for not having PFD, flares, EPIRB, first aid kit, sunblock, sunglasses, hat and all that malarky?]
Nah, the fkn useless cops didn’t rescue me; too busy having coffee and muffins elsewhere! The tinny [small aluminium fishing boat] that picked me up was smaller than the half Epic I had on board.
It was embarrassing landing at Sorrento with half a boat under arm, believe me! I did ask to be dropped 500m offshore to be able to make a stealthy beach entry. Yes I know I'm a rude prick, but I did drop off a carton at the blokes house as a thank-you.
Popularity at home was already at a record low as the previous week I snapped my paddle behind the island and got towed home by my good mate Rob. [That's a 4km paddle to the landing spot, towing a surf-ski in ocean conditions which are known to be quite rough – well done Robbo!]
I'm now the proud owner of a brand spanking new Spirit PRS, along with paddle (very important) and would you believe; Sunnies! Yep, I lost them too.
Oh yeah I almost forgot me mate and I went out on Sunday to the best surf I have ever seen at the island, you missed a good sesh. Even though I was in that yellow puss-bucket of mine also known as the yellow submarine for obvious reasons [an ancient and much abused yellow plastic surf-ski with more holes than a good Swiss cheese.] We were getting 100-200m rides at full speed – it was perfect!
OK I got to go and catch some grass hoppers for dinner.
PS: Our Old Mate Tony didn’t come cos he had a sore back or toe or broke a nail – I cant remember, but is was another weak excuse at 5.30am. It appears he doesn’t like early mornings, sharks, or may be just doesn’t like me. Who Knows?
Got grasshoppers to catch, C ya.
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